Things I’ve eaten


In Western popular culture, apples are the food of temptation. They crop up as objects of seduction from Snow White to American Pie. Until Call Me By Your Name came along, they consistently topped Time Out’s “Sexiest Fruits” list. The origins of their tantalizing reputation lie, of course, in that ill-judged Garden of Eden picnic.Continue reading “Apples”


Despite what stock photography would have us believe, salad is no laughing matter. A bad vinaigrette can ruin a dinner party and under-seasoned panzanella is the stuff of nightmares. I’m still haunted by the memory of some dodgy fattoush I ate at a friend’s house. Although lettuce is the bedrock of most salads, it tendsContinue reading “Lettuce”

Swiss chard

Some readers may be wondering who or what Swiss chard is. It’s a fair question because this vegetable doesn’t get much air time. Although it’s often compared to spinach, chard has a subtler and, in my opinion, superior flavour. I’d go as far as saying it’s one of my top five leafy greens. Don’t beContinue reading “Swiss chard”


Black gold as the Romans called it, jar tar to you and me. We’ve all had our share of rows over apricot jam, but no condiment is as controversial as Marmite. As someone who’s been known to scoop it out of the jar with a breadstick, I’m firmly in the “love” camp. In my caseContinue reading “Marmite”


Like 4pm martinis and exotic animal memes, potatoes have been reassuringly omnipresent during lockdown. When rice, flour and pasta were scarce, they became a carby messiah. I started wearing a rosary of new potatoes and made a devotional Maris Piper candle. The rosary rotted and the candle became a fire hazard, but my potato obsessionContinue reading “Potatoes”


I love fennel and all things fennel adjacent. For a long time my tinder bio was “I’m a liquorice bitch”, until someone explained that the Azealia Banks song isn’t about tarragon. My aniseed addiction encompasses everything from dill pickles to finocchiona – a Tuscan salami flavoured with fennel seed. I’ve even been known to enjoyContinue reading “Fennel”


Last week I panic-bought a duck. Two people were approaching me from either end of the meat aisle in a pincer movement. Neither was observing social distancing etiquette, so I grabbed the first bird I could and ran. It wasn’t until I got to the checkout that I realised my chicken wasn’t a chicken. GoodContinue reading “Duck”


Who knew a bag of flour could give me the same visceral excitement as a wig reveal? I hadn’t managed to get hold of any for weeks. Whilst others pined for a weekend in Chamonix or a coke binge at Fabric, the only white powder I was missing was ground wheat. Just as I wasContinue reading “Flour”

Store cupboard spaghetti

When we went into lockdown, the prospect of having to adopt wartime rationing had a certain grim romance to it. I pictured eating SPAM out of the tin whilst smoking Lucky Strikes and talking like Celia Johnson. After two weeks of social isolation the idea was beginning to wear thin. Bad zoom connections and over-exposureContinue reading “Store cupboard spaghetti”

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